2011 has been quite year!

NYE 2010 Picture

2011 has treated us like we were made of light twigs and it was a strong tornado. We have experienced a birth, job loses, parents with surgery and sickness, grandparents that we were not sure would make it, starting new ventures, and much more. It now seems to be adding yet another thing (a good thing) that could mean a move to a new city. It is sometimes amazing that we have made it through this year without total breakdowns and still feel like a supportive and connected family. Well I am happy to report there have been no breakdowns and we are as tight as ever! I was thinking today why this is. I realized there are a couple things we did that have made the difference:

1) Save money, 6 months of your yearly expenses for a just in case moment and try to get rid of all your debt

2) Enjoy time with your kids, even if that time was not planned, enjoy it! We had a great July in which we were both home almost every day.

3) Relaxation is key. I get a monthly massage and my husband gets them once and awhile too. I also think yoga makes a huge difference. I try to go once a week at least. A calm demeanor helps when you are dealing with stressful situations.

4) Remember to tell everyone in the family all the time how much you love them!

5) Laugh a lot, even at the bad news.

6) Lean on friends, they are there for you in the stressful times. Use them and be there for them when they need you.

I have noticed we are not the only ones that seem to have an exceptional crazy 2011. How is it treating you? What have you done to get through it?

Party Time: From food to gifts

So we have recently been at two birthday parties and it started me thinking. First, how do you manage the party scene with all its high fructose corn syrup and preservative food? How do you avoid getting a child just one more plastic thing that ends up in the corner of the room to later be donated or thrown away? Well, I don't have all the answers, but here are some things I have done.

1) Pack your own juice boxes without the high fructose corn syrup. If you don't need them because your host already has the Fruitables juice boxes or some other selection then wonderful, but if you do, then you have them ready. You can always say your child is picky to alleviate the hosts perception that you don't like the drink options. This also keeps the children from needing pop/soda which is a usual choice at most parties.

2) Food is a bit trickier. I try and steer my child to the fruit and vegetables first in hopes I can get a couple of those into them before they go for the candy/desert. I usually barely get a carrot in his mouth before he sees something more "appealing". I figure we don't go to birthday's all the time so a couple things is okay. Just set out some guidelines. Two pieces of candy and some cake is the limit. Or if your host has a healthier option for dessert (carrot cupcakes) then maybe the limit 3 pieces. You don't have to be a dictator about it. Just say, "Oh, these are so good. Pick out two here and we get to save the rest for later!" I then put them in a magical place called Forgetville when we get home and usually they are not thought about again.

3) Presents are also tricky. Most kids I know really are not needing for anything. Some want things but mostly they don't even really want anything badly either. My new theory is to provide adventure presents. Gift cards to CJ Barrymore's or Children's museums or Science museums or fairs or air shows or circus's, etc etc etc. The list is endless! They get to have a fun day and spend time with the parents. What could be better. Plus there is no packaging to throw away and no toy to throw away. Win...win...win.

What is your party attending rituals?

Hot nights and teething in the city!

Okay, my three month old is teething! Let me repeat, my three month old is not just teething but 2 teeth, yes 2, have popped through and made an appearance! I thought babies waited until at least they were ready for food to pop out teeth. I guess I was wrong. He is just early. I blame my husband who also got teeth at 3 months.

What is a natural mom to do with a fussy baby (fussy is really overstating here, he is normally so even keeled that his slight bouts of discomfort and crying are abnormal). Besides lots of "the boob" I pulled out the amber teething necklace. Why do I put a necklace on my son. Well the properties in amber are absorbed in the skin and reduce inflammation to help with teething pain and it seemed to work for my older son so I will try it again. I also am using my Hylands Chamomile homeopathic religiously and that seems to be working great. 2 pills that dissolve easily in the mouth once or twice a day.

Let me know what has worked for you?

On a side note, I think I am ready for the nights to cool and cozy up in the house more. I am ready for the fall to set in. Good thing it is almost September.

Babywearing; The benefits and the options

Top picture: My Ergo, Second pic is my pouch sling

Babywearing is a fundamental principal of attachment parenting. It also has great benefits for allowing parents to accomplish more by freeing your arms and still give your baby the closeness they crave. Babywearing International has a lot of great information.

Ergo- $115-130: My personal favorite. It has a weight belt type of belt, extreme padding in the straps and is organic. There is an infant insert for newborns for an additional $25 but I found that my gigantic baby did not fit with this. I was able to start using this when he was 3 months but normally you are better off after they are 4-5 months.

Mei Tai- around $70: This is a carrier in front with fabric that wraps around your shoulders and then around your front and ties under the baby's but.

Wrap Around Slings like the Moby- around $50: This is just a long stretch of fabric that wraps around your body and ties in the back. It is best to find someone else who has this and then have them teach you.

Ring Slings like the Maya - around $63: This is an easy option. It is just threading the fabric through the ring at your shoulder.

Pouch Slings - $40 to $60 depending on the originality: I have one that I love! It is just so easy. Sling it over your shoulder and you are done. I got mine at www.spoutpouch.com

Getting to the park with 2 Boys

*Julien took the bike picture. He has two bikes, a red radio flyer and a pink and purple bike the neighbors gave us. He is always switching back and forth.

We can walk to our park. This is wonderful when you have kids. I have an almost 3 year old and a 3 month old, so getting there can be tricky. I find the best way to do it is to let the 3 year old ride his bike or in the wagon and the 3 month old gets to ride on mom in a sling/baby carrier. Today we walked there after dinner, which tends to be my 3 months old time for an evening nap. He enjoyed the closeness to mom as we chased his brother on his bike to the park. Once we were there he got fussy. The great thing was that I had him in my Ergo and I easily slipped a boob in his mouth and voila! he was asleep within 5 minutes. He then peacefully slept on me the rest of the time at the park and only woke up a couple houses away from our house. I love having this option to calm my baby.

Book Review: the eco-nomical baby guide

the eco-nomical baby guide by Joy Hatch and Rebecca Kelley.

This book is 193 pages but don't let that dissuade you if you don't have a lot of time, it took me 3 hours to read slowly. It has some pros and cons. It focuses on raising babies in as Eco minded way as possible.

Pros:

They really focus on the benefit of cloth diapers and its environmental benefits. Chapter 5 is completely dedicated to the pros of cloth over disposable. Did you know that you are not supposed to throw away plastic diapers with poop on them?? I had no idea. I also really like the breakdown of the different disposables you can choose from to be more environmentally conscious. I had been using Seventh Generation at night thinking it was a lot more "green" then it is. I am now going to switch to Tushies based on the information in this book and will let you know how that works. They walk you through all the different types of cloth diapers and how to use them.

I love that they say skip the crib, I believe this as well as we believe in co-sleeping.

I love that they promote buying used whenever possible. I also think this is the way to go. There are tons of Mom to Mom sales, Craigslist, garage sales and thrift stores that have more or what you need. They also give criteria of how to ensure a car seat is not used for one kid and then thrown away. As long as you are not in an accident and it is under 5 years old you can pass it to someone else.

They give good options for feeding your baby organically. They have a good comparison of prices for baby food and give recipes for making you own baby food.

Cons:

They don't give enough information on how to manage without a crib and the benefits of co-sleeping.

They don't advocate the huge benefits of breastfeeding until at least 2 years of age.

The book has a lot of white space for an Eco minded book and was not printed on recycled paper.

Cloth Diapering: The Why's and the How's

Why do we cloth diaper our children? Besides the environmental benefits which sometimes are debated but it truly is more environmental than disposables, there is enormous cost savings! Don't believe me? Do the math. We purchased our bumGenius All in One diapers prior to having our first child. They say the average child goes through 8-10 diapers a day. Lets say 8 to be conservative. The average child who wears disposables potty trains at 2 years old. 365 days times 2 years time 8 diapers a day times $0.23 per diaper (per Amazon.com). This equals $1,343.20. This is a very conservative estimate!! So we decided to purchase 30 diapers to get us through 4 days at a time before we have to wash them. The total you would pay at Cotton Babies today is $519.00 for the all in one diapers. This is with a special that goes through Aug 31st of buy 5 and get one free so you will actually get 36 diapers. We also purchased the diaper sprayer for the toilet to help get the poop off before they are washed for $44. So overall, as you can see this is still way less then what you pay for 2 years of disposables and that is not even factoring in that we can use them for our second child! Double cost savings. Also, I highly recommend that if you do use disposals you pick a more environmentally and child friendly brand like Earths Best, Seventh Generation (available at Whole Foods or Babies R Us) or Tushies. This ensures that you are not using some of the harmful products that are in conventional diapers. Unfortunately, these diapers are even more expensive so if you use cloth then you will really be saving money!

How we use cloth: Ok, so now you have them and what do you do.

We like to separate our diapers in drawers. A drawer for the insert, one for the outer layer and one for the wipes. This is just because my changing table has these drawers which make it easy. It would not be difficult to just use a tub or one drawer and put them all in it. If you have the all-in-one diapers you should fold the insert and snap it so it becomes the smallest size it can. You then snap the outer diaper into the snaps that make it the smallest size. Insert the thick end of the insert into the outer diaper first so the pee is caught in the thick section of the insert, especially if you have a boy! After this it is easy as putting on a disposable. Velcro or snap the sides into place. As your child grows you unsnap the inserts and outer layers to get bigger.

When it is time for a cleaning, you just need to wet the cotton wipes and clean the bottom. The next step is the dirty business, but worth it. We use a diaper champ. We remove the insert from the outer diaper and clean off the outer diaper with the sprayer. We then put the diaper, the insert and the wipe in the diaper champ. When it is full we dump everything into the washer. The recommendation is to wash with warm water and select a double rinse. I have recently read that you can use cold water and only one rinse but I have never seen that succeed. I think if you wash less diapers at a time then I do it might work. In the summer I try and always hang the diapers on the line to reduce the energy used to dry them. You can throw all the parts in the dryer though. Try and make sure the Velcro is in place and attached to the sides of the diapers, otherwise they all Velcro together in the dryer. It also ensures the Velcro will last longer. You don't have to worry about this if you have snaps.

Once an awhile I have heard moms complain of the cotton diaper smell. I have read that if you wash them with vinegar in a load this can reduce the smell. I also think you could use essential oils like lavender. It tends to mean the diapers are too acidic. If you use basic items like baking soda, this can work too.

I do have a couple caveats. Firstly, it is hard to fit newborns in cloth diapers. For both of my boys I used the Seventh Generation diapers for the first couple of weeks after they were born. bumGenius does make a newborn cloth diaper but I chose not to buy these and use the disposable. Secondly, I am a lazy mother who loves my sleep. Since I co-sleep my children don't wake up as much or for as long so I can easily breastfeed them and they go back to sleep quickly. I decided that adding the extra step of changing diapers at night after they were a month old was too much for me. I have found that cotton diapers leak if they are on that long so I use disposables at night to ensure that I get a good night sleep. This is your personal preference though. Thirdly, when we travel we use disposables for convenience since you need a washer to clean your diapers. Again, you can make this work if you want to though.

Checking the To Do's off the List

Today was a day of checking to do's off the list:

- Laundry washed and hung on the line

- Take the dog for a walk and stop at the park to swing

- Play trains

- Play with lego's and build towers

- Go grocery shopping

Check, check and check.

I feel very lucky to be home with my boys and to be able to do these things with them. In fact, just in the past couple of weeks Julien has started taking the initiative and putting his toys away. "So you don't trip on them Mom" he says. "Thank you honey" I reply with a glowing grin. I love watching him grow and see how much he wants to help. I had to replace the sprayer on the toilet that we use to spray off the cotton diapers and he was right there to help. I had pliers and a screw driver and so did he. He is amazing in his desire to be and do everything he can. Sigh..how fast they grow.

Attachment Parenting: The Basics

If you have not yet figured out the rhythm of this blog, it is this, one day to extol a tidbit of my day and then the next day to expound upon the information in that tidbit. I am slightly breaking this today to say that I have been brutally reminded of my mortality as I learned first thing in the am that my grandfather had suffered a double heart attack and was in a medically induced coma. This painful information has once again reminded me how valuable our time is on this earth and how we need to spend it as wisely as possible.

This doubles my assurance that attachment parenting is the right method for achieving this with my kids. Below I will outline the basics of attachment parenting and how we try and implement each one:

Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting

Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.

We chose to attend a Bradley Birthing class, hire a midwife and birth at a birth center and at home. I received dual care with my OB during my pregnancies though.

Feed with Love and Respect

Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant's nutritional and emotional needs. "Bottle Nursing" adapts breastfeeding behaviors to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behavior.

We breast feed exclusively and try to limit the need for bottles. I have reinstated my breast feeding relationship with my older child as he feels this is necessary for him. We try to only buy organic and fairly treated animals for our food regardless of the larger cost. We limit other so called "necessities" to ensure we can afford our food.

Respond with Sensitivity

Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.

We co-sleep with our children until they are 2. We respond as soon as they start crying to ensure they establish trust in adults. We never leave them alone to self sooth. We try and ensure they talk through their feelings when they are upset.

Use Nurturing Touch

Touch meets a baby's needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.

We use the baby carrier, wraps and just carry our infants as much as possible. We enjoy baby massage and baby yoga.

Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe co-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.

We co-sleep with our children until they are at least 2 years old.

Provide Consistent and Loving Care

Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.

We have tried to work our lives and work schedules so we are the primary care giver or a grandparent at all times.

Practice Positive Discipline

Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behavior, discover the needs leading to the behavior. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone's dignity intact.

We try an have a constant communicative dialogue with our children to ensure we understand why they act the way they do.

Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don't be afraid to say "no". Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.

We try and ensure that we are no stressed out by work or other activities. We have planned in advance to allow at least 9 months with mom and baby after the baby is born.

Play Dates: Sunny Summer Park Days

When we became parents we were determined that we would raise our kids in a very mindful and comforting way that included lots of love and lots of time with us. When I was searching for fellow families that also had this philosophy we decided to go to a Unitarian Church. We were very happy there but it is also where I met a girl friend who had been attending mother-baby yoga with me. She was part of a group of naturally attached parents. I went to a couple of play dates and was hooked. I began to research Attachment Parenting and realized that this was exactly the way I wanted to parent. I went back to work when my first child was 9 months and it was a lot harder to attend the weekly gatherings. I could not wait until I had time off after my second child was born to again join these play dates. In the summer we have weekly park play dates with lots of playing, talking, laughing and sharing stories. It is amazing how open and honest these women are! We also meet for weekly tea for a moms morning out (my two month old comes since he can't be away from me that long yet). It is still unexpected how much you need this time as a mother. I feel very blessed to have found this and want to share it with you.

Benefits of Breastfeeding: Extended and Tandem

Breastfeeding has become such a norm in this house. If it is not my 2 month old then it is my 2 year old. I never thought I would be nursing a child over 2 and especially not tandem nursing. I actually weaned my 2 year old when he turned two. I was pregnant and it did not feel that great to have a child nursing on my tender boobs. It became quite easy to wean him as my milk was drying up. Then the baby came and he saw someone else nursing all the time and he wanted comfort and closeness. I immediately thought that I would let him nurse a couple times a day to get through this drastic change he just experienced. Then as the days went on he wanted it more and more. I realized that this was his way of trying to keep my attention and my close relationship. I decided to put together some guidelines and boundaries. You are allowed to nurse once in the morning, once at nap time and once at bed time. This gives him his own special times without making it an any time thing. When he asks for "his booby" during the day, I remind him that he has to wait until nap time or bed time. Once and awhile I break this rule when he seriously injures himself or seems sick. As a mom I like to reserve the right for exceptions.

World Health Organization Guidelines on Breastfeeding - Recommend until at least 2 years of age!

The Adventures in Tandem Nursing - Great book on nursing during pregnancy and beyond

Known Benefits of Breastfeeding:

1) Increases the child’s immunity to illness- the mother creates antibodies to illness the child has been exposed to and passes them to the child through her milk;

2) Increases the size of the thymus gland in children while they are breastfed which is essential in immune response by increasing the amount of lymphodial tissue in the child;

3) Intimate bonding for the mom and baby and reduction in post partum depression due to the oxytocin release and calming the mother’s nerves;

4) Studies are now showing a decrease in obesity of breastfeed children, especially among moms who exclusively breastfeed;

5) Reduction in chemicals the child is exposed to (in 2008 they found tainted baby formula from China included Melamine and killed or injured numerous children);

6) Takes your weight off faster due to the increase in calories you burn;

7) More environmentally friendly as it results in no waste from formula cans;

8) Saves money!!

Day 1: So you want to know about raising your kids naturally.

Every morning is a process, we go through a long wake up. Julien or Ju Ju or Ju Ju Bee as he is called, is my 2 1/2 year old who half the time thinks he is 5 and half the time thinks he is 6 months. Every morning it is the routine of my 2 1/2 month old waking up with his coos and gurgles and grunts between 6 am and 7 am. He is in bed between my husband and me. My husband just came back to bed not too long ago as he was sleeping in bed with Ju Ju to ensure he would sleep through the night. Being a product of co-sleeping until he was 2 it takes a substantial amount of time to transition your child to his "big boy" bed. So the baby wakes me up and usually within no time after that or sometimes before that I hear crying as the big boy walks into the room requesting his favorite pacifier or security blanket, the breast. He comes in and says "mom...I want my booby." I am still breast feeding my 2 1/2 year old and I am happy about it. I take a lot of flack from the grandparents but it does not bother me. I will maintain this relationship as long as he needs it. After we get out of bed we have to slowly establish a morning wake up with the right amount of compassion. The baby, wakes up every morning with smiles and laughing. They already are establishing how they will be opposites.