My son will be three in November, which is a tricky birthday. Last spring we were
pleasantly surprised that he knew all his letters and numbers by sight and could spell words everywhere we went. His communication was very good and he wanted to be involved in all kinds of activities and he potty trained at 18 months so we thought, I guess it is time for
pre-school. As a test we enrolled him in a gymnastics class and he would run around and be a fun loving boy the whole time until it was circle time. All of a sudden he was frozen. He would not participate in the group at all and just sat and starred, but he wanted his sticker at the end. We encouraged and
cajoled but to no avail and we didn't want to push him to hard. Finally, at the last two classes, voila, he joined and participated. What had changed? I guess he was done analyzing and wanted to start participating. At that point we had already rejected the idea of sending him to
pre-school. He is socially not there, he is very attached which makes sense since we follow attachment parenting principals. So instead, we have enrolled him in more group activities at the local community center and will wait until next year for
pre-school.
Since we have made this decision, I have talked to countless people about it. Some I think are sending their two year old to pre-school to get a much needed brake. Others, I really think feel their kids are ready. I have also heard with boys it is a good idea to hold them back from starting school early since you don't want them to be the smallest boy in the class or the least social. Then I started wondering, how much would your child's personality depend on when you sent them to school? If I did send them early, would they be picked on and not confident because of it? Would they be shy or the last one picked in sports or the least favorite of the teachers because of it? If they were, would this give them more humility and make them a better person later in life? If I held them back and sent them late, would I be the one with the child that thinks they are the best at everything only to be greatly disappointed when they are older? What is the right decision? What is your thought process?
Either way it works out. My husband and I were born 4 days apart. I went to school a year early, he was on schedule. We both tended to be shy children and pretty much had the same school experience. They learn. My daughter's shy, but her school doesn't push kids into uncomfortable situations. We had a co-op preschool starting at 18 months, which she loved. But there were almost no 2-year-old preschools here when we moved; last year she really missed it. SO glad to be back to preschool.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting. I wonder if there is a gender difference. Would your husband have done as well if he was the one put in early? I think in the end every kid deals with the experience they are given. It would be interesting to know what the long term ramifications are.
ReplyDeleteI didn't send Holden to pre-school until he was 4. He has a December birthday, and was right on the edge of when he should start, so we decided to hold him back later rather than sending him early (he turned 5 in pre-school). Part of this was that Matt and I are not experienced parents, and we really weren't sure what to do. Looking at his social skills and even his scholarly abilities, we decided it would be best not to push him, and allow him to develop a little more before he began. Being an only child, his social skills are still not as "fine tuned" as I would like them to be, but that will come in time. When he started pre-school, we had a rude awakening. He has spent waaaaay too much time with adults and older children, and wasn't very sure about kids his own age. He began to act out a bit, and pout in class because he was used to being catered to (which hadn't even occurred to either of us). Let me tell you though-once he felt like he was part of the class, it made a world of difference for him. He became more confident, and began developing by leaps and bounds (We were concerned at one point that he may have special needs because of his lack of interest in coloring, drawing or being around children his own age).
ReplyDeleteNow in Kindergarten, he is really learning to hold his own. It is a big, scary school, and he walks in with his head held high every day. Even if he had a bad day the day before, he wipes the slate clean in the morning and is excited to go. In the long run, I think it would have been too stressful for him if we had pushed for him to begin any earlier. I am far happier to see him happy then to try to make him adhere to what other people think is the ideal stage of development. It will all come in time-and I allow him to dictate that time (to a point).
Oh, I guess I should mention, too, for the sake of gender differences that my father skipped two grades. Not at the same time, one in early elementary and one in what would now be middle school. He graduated the top of class, had friends, etc., etc. It all works out.
ReplyDeleteWe are kind of in a similar situation with Zoey right now. Zoey will be 18 months on Tuesday and this is almost the exact time we started Kiana in day care (and then later into preschool). At the time Kimi and I were both working and my class schedule full. Now, Kiana is in kindergarten half-day, with a full day of Japanese school on Saturday and Kimi is taking classes on Tuesday and Thursday leaving me with only MWF to get everything (including my dissertation and one last class) finished. I won't lie that I would like the break by putting Zoey and Kiana both in preschool/before care on T,TH but can't afford it and not sure it would really be good for Zoey. Kiana is by no means a shy girl, but sometimes I feel is too extroverted/active that we have to actively practice just sitting and saying nothing (which is like pulling teeth). I wonder how much comes from her early entry into child care and the constant need for attention from parents when out of child care. By contrast, Zoey is much more independent, but how much is due to innate personality as well as having an older sister who is constantly there as well? Hard to say, but I think the longer one can avoid it the better, at least somewhere before 4 when they transition from toddlerhood into little-kidhood.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great discussion. I guess every parent grapples with this issue. I would love to know more from an overall study...
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